quick note before getting to work… checking off what gets in the way: laundry, dishes, food (and more food after a training bike ride), old bananas asking to be baked into banana bread. e-mail to be cleaned out. Before getting to work I wanted to write about my lunch date with Mlou, one of my dearest artist/friends. meeting half way in Fredericksburg, Meeting as one. Both of us "trained" as designers, worked for many years as designers and both of us looking at each other and seeing an artist. Daring to take that on, and daring anyone to challenge that. 

I am always thinking of the judge who reads these posts and thinks better. Knows better. Maybe you don't exist anywhere but in my own head. Maybe the judge I see in you is the projection of my own judge that won't - just - let - me - be. Do you know what that's like?

It's like walking a fine line of criticality and judgement and each of us is so sure that we're right. 

I'm thinking one of the primary roles as a teacher I can play is to help each student build their own critical framework. Spell out for them the tools.  Leave it to them to choose. Can we possibly as a faculty respect that we each bring something critical to the table or is there always going to be a competition for the students' attention and loyalty? Can I circumnavigate it? What if the things that nag at me are illusions of my own making: the strained relationships, the events that challenge. What if?

Something I heard yesterday:  http://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/531902291/reality


the images in the current stuff gallery are placeholder images before I photograph the body of work. as soon as i can find my tripod. or i find the right place and time or something. there is always something not done or left undone and maybe just maybe i stop seeing this as a sin. maybe the things left undone that we repent about are things like not speaking up about injustice, or not apologizing, or not being truthful. 

Really, what is the flagellation? Really, what I'm seeing is how disturbing and damaging the eye of the critic, the culture in which I work has brought up the self-critique. And maybe, just maybe, the things I have left undone are the voices that speak up and say "no, you are wrong to judge me in this way and i don't see the value or the purpose." If you are reading this, please don't let others believe that they have the right to determine your value. If you are the one judging me, what gives you the right?